September 20, 2020, 02:31:15 PM

Author Topic: A thread regarding SirjasonCrage's: Two Bags of Fortune  (Read 745 times)

Freeborn42

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A thread regarding SirjasonCrage's: Two Bags of Fortune
« on: April 16, 2019, 10:35:38 AM »
You can find the story here: http://forum.arcanewonders.com/index.php?topic=18882.msg0;boardseen#new

Jason requested a separate thread for thoughts and advice, and as a fellow aspiring author I thought, 'why not'

Be helpful, be encouraging, and ultimately, be honest.

Freeborn42

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Re: A thread regarding SirjasonCrage's: Two Bags of Fortune
« Reply #1 on: April 16, 2019, 11:01:41 AM »
I love it when books start this way (assuming this is the beginning). As the reader you're thrown into the middle of things right away. Sure you don't understand everything that's going on, but that's kind of the point and its a lot of fun to discover question and look forward to their answers.

I like your style here, it's very easy to understand the action that's happening, I'll offer a small piece of advice for you to chew on and its incidentally a tip that I normally hate.

You may have heard it before but it's related to the old adage: "show don't tell."  I hate it because it's normally poorly given advice because its meaning is misunderstood. There are writers out there who believe that rather then saying "he was panicked" you should describe every feeling of emotion and bodily function that the character is undergoing and leave the "panicked" emotion up to the interpretation of the reader.

This is certainly something that can be done to great effect, but I believe it is a stylistic choice and if the entire story is written this way....well, it's a bit much imho.

--spoilers ahead---

Having said that i might suggest adding a little more flavor added to what Sajic is experiencing during his fall. Its hard for me to say specifically however,  because that has a lot to do with what you, the writer, want the reader to take away from the section.  But maybe describing the wind tearing at Saric's face or the impact on his body as he's grabbed by the dwarven rider.

Just some suggestion that you can feel free to gladly tell me Fuck off with  ;D.

Happy writing
« Last Edit: April 16, 2019, 11:03:20 AM by Freeborn42 »